"I don't know how you do it." I hear and read often that being a parent of someone with "SpecialAbilities" this particular phrase is supposed to annoy me. It doesn't. I think it's kind of silly to be annoyed by it. Most of the time I have no idea how we do it either, other than trying our best and loving our most one day at a time.
The things I have heard that have and do annoy me, are when someone says
"Other than her not talking, she's just like any other kid." It comes across as if they're disregarding everything else she has worked so hard at. I know if she were speaking, she would still have other challenges that other "typically" developing 6year olds don't.
"I just don't think she understands the importance of speech." Now, this one REALLY ticked me off (I said nothing to the person who said it 'cause ya gotta pick your battles, and ultimately at the end of the day....it wasn't a battle worth fighting--yet). I am fairly sure she would LOVE to be able to tell me if she was hungry and hungry for what instead of tossin' my hands near whatever it is that she wants and jumping up and down smacking herself on the legs because I'm not getting it, OR when she is sick I imagine she'd love to be able to what she needs and what I can do to help her feel better. I am certain she understands the importance of speech/communication. We work everyday to try and help her find her inner voice. She is able to communicate more with us now than she was 3years ago. There is still no speech, but thinking outside of the box and being an amazing critical thinker are a couple of her strengths.
"She should be potty-trained" [while giving me that look that -clearly- says it's because I'm not trying nearly hard enough and ultimately makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent. I already feel that way enough with my 6yr old not being potty trained]. No parent wants their child to be an adult in diapers. It wasn't until last summer before she didn't flip out every time she walked past a bathroom door and scream and close the doors. Everyone in our household was having to use the bathroom in the dark until the end of last summer/early last fall because it bothered her so much.
"We are not a school so we don't do that kinda thing." this was after I went to see about getting her involved with VBS at a local church and spoke to them about some of her challenges. She had went to school with several of the kids and they knew her, and I wanted her to be in the class with her classmates instead of being in the nursery area. I knew the lady that would be the teacher and the lady in the nursery so I just went around the first lady and talked to the other ladies. The nursery lady who, if my little one needed a changing was more than okay with helping out. The teacher lady had seen my girl since around when she was first born, and was okay with her being in her class as well. I still firmly believe I should have never been told that by the first lady, because that is one way to get families to shy away from church in general.
Tommy heard this one I didn't.
"Your child wouldn't have Autism if you just prayed it out of her." I have actually heard others tell me "She wouldn't have it if you had prayed more and had more faith." Which I think is ridiculously stupid (and also not very Christ-like either).
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I'd love for some to offer to come and hang out with the kids so I feel like Tommy and I can have some time to ourselves, but there's the whole problem with the fact we are INCREDIBLY picky about who we will allow to watch our kids. I mean, it's like only two people we're comfortable with and they have lives/families/kids of their own. When someone offers and are genuine about it (and not just saying it because they think it's the polite thing to say) it is very much appreciated, even if we don't ever take you up on it. This past school year both kids stayed the night away from us one time and it very well may have been the first time BOTH kids have stayed away.
Asking me to hang out with or without our kids, I like that and not feeling put out when I take you up on your invite. If I feel like you're feeling a tad put out, there's a good likelihood I may give it a try another time or two but after that....I'll assume you were just trying to be friendly but didn't really want us around (there may also be a good chance I'm a tad hyper sensitive about that).
I figure I'm much like any other parent in this regard, though.
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