I haven't updated my blog or posted in a LONG time because I completely forgot my username (not just the password), I got that figured out today. I'd actually even tried a few other times, with no luck. So two years ago I got to tell you all about our newest addition making his way into the world. It was exciting and scary and wonderful all wrapped into one, much like it is today. :) He runs, jumps, climbs on everything. Says a few things with a new things coming outta his mouth every week, it seems. Loves to watch wrestling, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Little Einsteins is his very favorite. Angelus keeps doing well in school. A's and B's (I am certain he could pull all A's without even putting up much of an effort, but also pretty sure he has most of his teachers convinced he isn't as bright as what he actually is. I guess I just figured it isn't worth the battle. I'll just be happy with him being an A/B student). One day maybe (but if we are being totally honest, probably not) he will actually put in the effort and try his best at something.
Oklahoma has ran its budget into the ground, which pretty well sucks. Faith has a one on one aide, it has worked out very well this school year. Since PreK up until this school year she had always shared with another kid and last year the two kids together just got to be too much. I got phone calls to go and get her about 3x a week (it was awful). I think I have been called 3x this whole school year. Them getting the other para has made the First Lady less stressed, Faith less stressed, and me get a lot less phone calls. Anyway, the school has decided on a Reduction in Force which eliminates 8 non-certified positions and 3 certified ones. They won't know 100% for sure until (hopefully this week sometime/the first week in May). So, that means they are attempting to get rid of ALL of the aides. She can not go to school without an aide. I'm a little concerned they may try to have her share one again, but that's also another idea that's terrible (in my opinion) because I'm certain I will get called to come and get her so much that having her in school wouldn't make any sense. I've been reading up on laws and stuff to see if legally they can actually do this (because I don't think they can, but I need something backing up my assumption). Right now I'm reading a document that's over 900 pages and I am not a fast reader. Anyway, after the IEP meeting I should have a much better idea about what is going on. Then last week Faith's insurance decided she will be dropped down to 1x a week for O.T. because they didn't feel like she was making enough progress to warrant two times a week. So, for the next 3 months she will go down to once a week and we will track if there was regression and then turn it into a case study and have it published. The O.T. appealed their decision. In three months we will try again and if we are denied I will also appeal it, with facts and # yo back it up so I get to feel kinda like I'm back in college again.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Monday, June 23, 2014
Welcome Harlow Lancer!
June 19, 2014 at 5 a.m I was scheduled for what was considered an elective induction. At 30ish I had begun having mild contractions that sometimes were easy to stop with basic Tylenol but as the date got closer and closer it became more difficult. The last two 2-3 weeks I had them all night long, so I elected to go in after he was 39 1/2 weeks.
Tommy and I got to the hospital, filled out all of thepaperwork and were ready to go. Oh, I have an extremely anterior cervix which was the cause for a lot of the pain. Anyway, we started the potosin (I'm sure that's spelled wrong). I had to use it with the birth of Angelus too because my water broke and nothing else happened for a while...a long while, actually. I didn't have much of a problem with it. I didn't really this time either. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart from the moment we got there. It just took a while for me to thin out and dialate where I needed to be. Around 4:45 or so it was time to start pushing. I had asked for pain meds but not an epidural, I hadn't got to the point where I thought I needed it. They gave me 1mg of stadol which worked just fine for the pain and a little longer on me than it does most people. 2mg would've been too much. Not because I am extra tough to pain or anything, but because I rarely ever take medicine of any kind so it has a pretty dramatic effect on me. Back to where I was at. I started pushing and our little guy just wasn't coming out. He was face up (my other two were as well, and I was still able to have them natural). After pushing a little over 2hours the doctor started talking about using forceps. Tommy and I both were very uncomfortable with that. So we trued to continue to do it without any help a little longer. My blood vessels in my eyes ruptured from pushing so hard...but after just a little longer, everytime I had a contraction Harlow's heart rate went down. So, we needed an emergency c-section. He was face up and the cord was wrapped around his neck. While they were getting the operating room prepped I was continuing to have contractions but during the whole process I never thought I needed an epidural so Tommy wasn't allow4d back during the surgery as I had to be put under general anesthesia. It took longer to stitch me up as I had a lot of damage to my insides and it took longer to repair it. This was the first surgery I'd ever had and the first time I ever had to have any kind of anesthesia. I woke up and they told me they had taken Harlow to the nursery and he was crying the whole way. That was music to my ears. I then asked if I could see Tommy. Tommy was in the room waiting for me. The Doctor did say that Harlow was just as we suspected, face up with the cord wrapped around his neck. Tommy and I are more than convinced that the forceps would have been not a good decision for us.
This may also sound a tad crazy, but a little after they had me start pushing I saw whst I would call an angel every time I closed my eyes. It was a man wearing blue jeans, no shirt, had a couple of tattoos on him (but I can't describe those). He has long silver wings and short blonde hair. Every time it was time to push he seemed to mske the room glow yo me. When it was decided that an emergency c-section needed to be performed and I was on my way out of that room into the operating room I could've swore I saw him turn around and leave the room. Not in a bad way, but in a very comforting way.
That is my story as best as I can remember all of the details. I'm so glad to have Harlow here with his fantastic brother, sister, and Dad. I am one blessed lady.
Tommy and I got to the hospital, filled out all of thepaperwork and were ready to go. Oh, I have an extremely anterior cervix which was the cause for a lot of the pain. Anyway, we started the potosin (I'm sure that's spelled wrong). I had to use it with the birth of Angelus too because my water broke and nothing else happened for a while...a long while, actually. I didn't have much of a problem with it. I didn't really this time either. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart from the moment we got there. It just took a while for me to thin out and dialate where I needed to be. Around 4:45 or so it was time to start pushing. I had asked for pain meds but not an epidural, I hadn't got to the point where I thought I needed it. They gave me 1mg of stadol which worked just fine for the pain and a little longer on me than it does most people. 2mg would've been too much. Not because I am extra tough to pain or anything, but because I rarely ever take medicine of any kind so it has a pretty dramatic effect on me. Back to where I was at. I started pushing and our little guy just wasn't coming out. He was face up (my other two were as well, and I was still able to have them natural). After pushing a little over 2hours the doctor started talking about using forceps. Tommy and I both were very uncomfortable with that. So we trued to continue to do it without any help a little longer. My blood vessels in my eyes ruptured from pushing so hard...but after just a little longer, everytime I had a contraction Harlow's heart rate went down. So, we needed an emergency c-section. He was face up and the cord was wrapped around his neck. While they were getting the operating room prepped I was continuing to have contractions but during the whole process I never thought I needed an epidural so Tommy wasn't allow4d back during the surgery as I had to be put under general anesthesia. It took longer to stitch me up as I had a lot of damage to my insides and it took longer to repair it. This was the first surgery I'd ever had and the first time I ever had to have any kind of anesthesia. I woke up and they told me they had taken Harlow to the nursery and he was crying the whole way. That was music to my ears. I then asked if I could see Tommy. Tommy was in the room waiting for me. The Doctor did say that Harlow was just as we suspected, face up with the cord wrapped around his neck. Tommy and I are more than convinced that the forceps would have been not a good decision for us.
This may also sound a tad crazy, but a little after they had me start pushing I saw whst I would call an angel every time I closed my eyes. It was a man wearing blue jeans, no shirt, had a couple of tattoos on him (but I can't describe those). He has long silver wings and short blonde hair. Every time it was time to push he seemed to mske the room glow yo me. When it was decided that an emergency c-section needed to be performed and I was on my way out of that room into the operating room I could've swore I saw him turn around and leave the room. Not in a bad way, but in a very comforting way.
That is my story as best as I can remember all of the details. I'm so glad to have Harlow here with his fantastic brother, sister, and Dad. I am one blessed lady.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013 Year end Review
We had some pretty amazing things happen this year. For the first time ever (so in
over 10 years) the family went on a couple of 2-3 day vacations. Tommy isn't much a fan of those, but the kids and I are so maybe more can happen, at least for us. Angelus had a blast shooting off fireworks, and watching fish being prepared from start to finish (and still ate it!). I'd never seen him as excited as I did this past year about 4th of July stuff or Christmas either. We got to check out the Toy and Action Figure Museum in Pauls Valley, OK. It has something for everyone to check out and isn't so big that you (or your kids) get overwhelmed. We went to a comic book convention where Tommy was a guest and they put us up in a Hotel. The kids loved it. Faith enjoyed staring down out the window from the 7th floor. Angelus loved talking to everyone and doing PR guy stuff. We went skating and bowling and spent a chunk of the summer down at the River.
Faith got to do a mini-cheer camp and she enjoyed the heck outta that. School has been a bit more challenging for her to stay all day this year, but she does get the 1 on 1 that she needs when she is there. Changing her to two times a week in O.T. has helped tremendously. I sometimes fall into the habit of seeing just how far she isn't, but when we did her review a few weeks ago, having it written out, she has hit several milestones within the past 6months. It was a good reminder to remember to look at where we've gotten and not where we haven't.
As I've said before changing schools for Angelus was a good thing. He isn't miserable and he also has way more kids come over to play than he ever did attending the other school. He is doing well. His grades are pretty decent and he just wants to be involved in so many things. We've had to start the long process of the dentist for him. It'll take a little while to get his teeth where they need to be, but he doesn't seem to mind going to the dentist. Dentists are just so $$$ and generally have horrible bedside manners. Really, why isn't there more with a decent bedside manner? Anyway, we're fixing his teeth up and he's glad about that.
Tommy and I bought our first ever car together. I kinda liked the fact that we had to do it with each other. My credit was "long" enough and Tommy had the income. We had good enough credit scores that we got a great rate on the car loan too. A few months later, Tommy was on his way to Tulsa and totaled the car. Thank goodness
he was okay. We had full coverage and GAP insurance so the car was totally paid for and we got another car almost identical to the first, just a year newer with 40,000 miles less on it. The first was an '09 with 50,000 miles on it and the second was a '10 with 10,000 miles on it. I've no idea how someone has a vehicle that is 3yrs old and only 10,000 miles on it. So, anyway....I guess we got our first two new (to us) vehicles this past year.
We were more involved with the Ability Tree, having the kids participate in the Art Ability and at the end there's an art show that you can see what the kids worked on. They also did the singing day camp. Angelus was a huge fan of that. I don't think he can do it next year as I'm pretty sure it only goes up to 4th graders. Tommy and I checked out the LaughAbility and enjoyed ourselves quite a bit. We don't do the after school stuff with the Ability Tree because we live 30min. away and that just wouldn't make any sense. I am so thankful a place like this is available.
Around the end of July we found out my dad has cancer. Stage 2 prostate cancer, so they caught it really early and with dad being only 54 he is also extremely young to have it so that is also on his side. He finished up his treatments about mid to late October. He still hasn't at the doctor appointment that says (you're cancer free!), he's pretty sure that's a ways off. Anyway, a day or two after finding out he had cancer we (surprisingly) found I was pregnant. A few days after that I started hurting and got in to see the doctor, it was determined that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. I've taken it pretty hard. Even though it was unexpected, and I tend to be fairly healthy (other than weighing a little more than I should), I've had tremendous guilt and sadness about it all.
Tommy got promoted to supervisor which he seems to have a love/hate relationship with. As in, it does seem to have given him more confidence. At the same time, he's had to log more hours and has made much less money if he hadn't been promoted. Just my perception, but he seems to simultaniously (sp?) love and hate being more knowledgeable than most about the job.
There is more news to be shared. I'm waiting for everyone to get to a more healing place before I say anything. All in all it hasn't been a bad year. I've got the privilege to stay home and hang out with these lovely children, watch them grow and develop, build stronger relationships with family and developed more friendships. I now have a few people I'd call good friends and it's been many years since I've felt that way. I'm grateful to those who are in my life and so glad to call you friends.
May 2014 bring you joy, happiness and the fruition of some of your dreams coming true.
Faith got to do a mini-cheer camp and she enjoyed the heck outta that. School has been a bit more challenging for her to stay all day this year, but she does get the 1 on 1 that she needs when she is there. Changing her to two times a week in O.T. has helped tremendously. I sometimes fall into the habit of seeing just how far she isn't, but when we did her review a few weeks ago, having it written out, she has hit several milestones within the past 6months. It was a good reminder to remember to look at where we've gotten and not where we haven't.
As I've said before changing schools for Angelus was a good thing. He isn't miserable and he also has way more kids come over to play than he ever did attending the other school. He is doing well. His grades are pretty decent and he just wants to be involved in so many things. We've had to start the long process of the dentist for him. It'll take a little while to get his teeth where they need to be, but he doesn't seem to mind going to the dentist. Dentists are just so $$$ and generally have horrible bedside manners. Really, why isn't there more with a decent bedside manner? Anyway, we're fixing his teeth up and he's glad about that.
Tommy and I bought our first ever car together. I kinda liked the fact that we had to do it with each other. My credit was "long" enough and Tommy had the income. We had good enough credit scores that we got a great rate on the car loan too. A few months later, Tommy was on his way to Tulsa and totaled the car. Thank goodness
We were more involved with the Ability Tree, having the kids participate in the Art Ability and at the end there's an art show that you can see what the kids worked on. They also did the singing day camp. Angelus was a huge fan of that. I don't think he can do it next year as I'm pretty sure it only goes up to 4th graders. Tommy and I checked out the LaughAbility and enjoyed ourselves quite a bit. We don't do the after school stuff with the Ability Tree because we live 30min. away and that just wouldn't make any sense. I am so thankful a place like this is available.
Around the end of July we found out my dad has cancer. Stage 2 prostate cancer, so they caught it really early and with dad being only 54 he is also extremely young to have it so that is also on his side. He finished up his treatments about mid to late October. He still hasn't at the doctor appointment that says (you're cancer free!), he's pretty sure that's a ways off. Anyway, a day or two after finding out he had cancer we (surprisingly) found I was pregnant. A few days after that I started hurting and got in to see the doctor, it was determined that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. I've taken it pretty hard. Even though it was unexpected, and I tend to be fairly healthy (other than weighing a little more than I should), I've had tremendous guilt and sadness about it all.
There is more news to be shared. I'm waiting for everyone to get to a more healing place before I say anything. All in all it hasn't been a bad year. I've got the privilege to stay home and hang out with these lovely children, watch them grow and develop, build stronger relationships with family and developed more friendships. I now have a few people I'd call good friends and it's been many years since I've felt that way. I'm grateful to those who are in my life and so glad to call you friends.
May 2014 bring you joy, happiness and the fruition of some of your dreams coming true.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Here we are
I haven't blogged in quite a while, but if we're friends on Facebook (and we most likely are) you're pretty well kept in the loop of the things I find cool going on. We've had lots of things going on since around about July, but maybe I'll go into that if I do a year end review of how life is at this point. We will see.
During the summer we upped Faith's O.T. to two times a week. Today we had to do a review and resubmit to the insurance (they were awfully picky and cranky about the fact we wanted to up it to two days a week, so it was only cleared for 6months). The school wouldn't okay the up in services because the superintendent was being names I shouldn't say (or probably even think), so we just went around the school and got Faith what she needed. Anyway, upon our review today Faith has hit about 70% of the goals we had stated for her. She has never. hit. a. single. goal. Seriously, it's always been 0% met (while she learned tons of coping skills and I gained much needed information to help her). She finally has enough things in place that she started making progress on the goals that were written out for her. They are simple. Simple, everyday things, that many take for granted. She can now put her pants on by herself (not the kinds with buttons and such, but yoga type pants). Put her arms through correct arm holes, doesn't throw her silverware after she takes a bite (it's weird 'cause the "throwing" always looked way more like a reflex than anything else). Is handling bath's better. She likes playing in water, but isn't a fan of bath's. She will now for the most part at least stand there and let me give her a bath with the realization that we will be done much sooner if she just stands there. I can get her hair brushed about 80% of the time. That's a massive improvement. We are still on our ever ending quest to the the potty-training thing down pat and desperate for more speech. On that note, I learned of a resource just today (today!) of a place that does Speech therapy and will come to my home twice a week to work with her. So, I don't have to drive the hour away to their facility. I will be calling them in the morning to learn more about it all. Fingers crossed this is what we're looking for. The speech therapist she's had for the past 3 years is great, but she needs more. He is stretched pretty thing with all the different places he needs to be. I've had her in private speech for a year before, but then she began getting more individualized speech at school and I didn't feel she needed to continue it (also insurance was being a pain in the rear end with approving it).
We had parent/teacher conference today. Both kids are doing well. I found out Faith is not in her classroom very much at all during the day. It's apparently about 30-45minutes a day. The rest of the time is one on one with her aid and the Special Ed teacher. Which I find a good thing, as I know Faith will do and learn more one on one. Oh! She also stayed right beside me during the meetings holding my hand. She was SOO good. She usually wants to run off and check out what she wants to check out.
Angelus whose teacher is Faith's speech path (see, he's kind of being pulled in a lot of directions) is also doing well. He had A's and B's. The B was very close to an A. His teacher stated that he is one of his top students. That doesn't really surprise me. Apparently, most of the kids Angelus hangs out with also do fairly well academically. He got lent the 2nd book of the Hunger Games series, Catching Fire because he is "seriously advanced" (those were the teachers exact words) at reading. Now, for to just finish a big, chapter book. I've no doubt he has the ability, now it's just the want that has to stay there. I know his teacher has also commented that Angelus is just becoming a "more rounded student". He's interested in trying more things, trying to visit and play with many different kids. Wants to be involved in more things. Suppose, if that's why he's wound up with the B's here and there that's an alright reason. We would seriously have to reevaluate if he winds up with some C's, though.
I think we're pretty much ready for Christmas. No presents are wrapped, but if we put 'em out now they wouldn't stay that way until Christmas day (eve)so we will wait 'til a day or two before we celebrate. Angelus did a fantastic job at decorating the tree. It was fun to watch him do it and see how excited he got about doing it all himself. I do hope everyone of you have a beautifully, wonderful Christmas (or whatever Holiday you celebrate) and a safe New Year!
During the summer we upped Faith's O.T. to two times a week. Today we had to do a review and resubmit to the insurance (they were awfully picky and cranky about the fact we wanted to up it to two days a week, so it was only cleared for 6months). The school wouldn't okay the up in services because the superintendent was being names I shouldn't say (or probably even think), so we just went around the school and got Faith what she needed. Anyway, upon our review today Faith has hit about 70% of the goals we had stated for her. She has never. hit. a. single. goal. Seriously, it's always been 0% met (while she learned tons of coping skills and I gained much needed information to help her). She finally has enough things in place that she started making progress on the goals that were written out for her. They are simple. Simple, everyday things, that many take for granted. She can now put her pants on by herself (not the kinds with buttons and such, but yoga type pants). Put her arms through correct arm holes, doesn't throw her silverware after she takes a bite (it's weird 'cause the "throwing" always looked way more like a reflex than anything else). Is handling bath's better. She likes playing in water, but isn't a fan of bath's. She will now for the most part at least stand there and let me give her a bath with the realization that we will be done much sooner if she just stands there. I can get her hair brushed about 80% of the time. That's a massive improvement. We are still on our ever ending quest to the the potty-training thing down pat and desperate for more speech. On that note, I learned of a resource just today (today!) of a place that does Speech therapy and will come to my home twice a week to work with her. So, I don't have to drive the hour away to their facility. I will be calling them in the morning to learn more about it all. Fingers crossed this is what we're looking for. The speech therapist she's had for the past 3 years is great, but she needs more. He is stretched pretty thing with all the different places he needs to be. I've had her in private speech for a year before, but then she began getting more individualized speech at school and I didn't feel she needed to continue it (also insurance was being a pain in the rear end with approving it).
We had parent/teacher conference today. Both kids are doing well. I found out Faith is not in her classroom very much at all during the day. It's apparently about 30-45minutes a day. The rest of the time is one on one with her aid and the Special Ed teacher. Which I find a good thing, as I know Faith will do and learn more one on one. Oh! She also stayed right beside me during the meetings holding my hand. She was SOO good. She usually wants to run off and check out what she wants to check out.
Angelus whose teacher is Faith's speech path (see, he's kind of being pulled in a lot of directions) is also doing well. He had A's and B's. The B was very close to an A. His teacher stated that he is one of his top students. That doesn't really surprise me. Apparently, most of the kids Angelus hangs out with also do fairly well academically. He got lent the 2nd book of the Hunger Games series, Catching Fire because he is "seriously advanced" (those were the teachers exact words) at reading. Now, for to just finish a big, chapter book. I've no doubt he has the ability, now it's just the want that has to stay there. I know his teacher has also commented that Angelus is just becoming a "more rounded student". He's interested in trying more things, trying to visit and play with many different kids. Wants to be involved in more things. Suppose, if that's why he's wound up with the B's here and there that's an alright reason. We would seriously have to reevaluate if he winds up with some C's, though.
I think we're pretty much ready for Christmas. No presents are wrapped, but if we put 'em out now they wouldn't stay that way until Christmas day (eve)so we will wait 'til a day or two before we celebrate. Angelus did a fantastic job at decorating the tree. It was fun to watch him do it and see how excited he got about doing it all himself. I do hope everyone of you have a beautifully, wonderful Christmas (or whatever Holiday you celebrate) and a safe New Year!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
No one Really Knows how They do it
"I don't know how you do it." I hear and read often that being a parent of someone with "SpecialAbilities" this particular phrase is supposed to annoy me. It doesn't. I think it's kind of silly to be annoyed by it. Most of the time I have no idea how we do it either, other than trying our best and loving our most one day at a time.
The things I have heard that have and do annoy me, are when someone says
"Other than her not talking, she's just like any other kid." It comes across as if they're disregarding everything else she has worked so hard at. I know if she were speaking, she would still have other challenges that other "typically" developing 6year olds don't.
"I just don't think she understands the importance of speech." Now, this one REALLY ticked me off (I said nothing to the person who said it 'cause ya gotta pick your battles, and ultimately at the end of the day....it wasn't a battle worth fighting--yet). I am fairly sure she would LOVE to be able to tell me if she was hungry and hungry for what instead of tossin' my hands near whatever it is that she wants and jumping up and down smacking herself on the legs because I'm not getting it, OR when she is sick I imagine she'd love to be able to what she needs and what I can do to help her feel better. I am certain she understands the importance of speech/communication. We work everyday to try and help her find her inner voice. She is able to communicate more with us now than she was 3years ago. There is still no speech, but thinking outside of the box and being an amazing critical thinker are a couple of her strengths.
"She should be potty-trained" [while giving me that look that -clearly- says it's because I'm not trying nearly hard enough and ultimately makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent. I already feel that way enough with my 6yr old not being potty trained]. No parent wants their child to be an adult in diapers. It wasn't until last summer before she didn't flip out every time she walked past a bathroom door and scream and close the doors. Everyone in our household was having to use the bathroom in the dark until the end of last summer/early last fall because it bothered her so much.
"We are not a school so we don't do that kinda thing." this was after I went to see about getting her involved with VBS at a local church and spoke to them about some of her challenges. She had went to school with several of the kids and they knew her, and I wanted her to be in the class with her classmates instead of being in the nursery area. I knew the lady that would be the teacher and the lady in the nursery so I just went around the first lady and talked to the other ladies. The nursery lady who, if my little one needed a changing was more than okay with helping out. The teacher lady had seen my girl since around when she was first born, and was okay with her being in her class as well. I still firmly believe I should have never been told that by the first lady, because that is one way to get families to shy away from church in general.
Tommy heard this one I didn't.
"Your child wouldn't have Autism if you just prayed it out of her." I have actually heard others tell me "She wouldn't have it if you had prayed more and had more faith." Which I think is ridiculously stupid (and also not very Christ-like either).
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I'd love for some to offer to come and hang out with the kids so I feel like Tommy and I can have some time to ourselves, but there's the whole problem with the fact we are INCREDIBLY picky about who we will allow to watch our kids. I mean, it's like only two people we're comfortable with and they have lives/families/kids of their own. When someone offers and are genuine about it (and not just saying it because they think it's the polite thing to say) it is very much appreciated, even if we don't ever take you up on it. This past school year both kids stayed the night away from us one time and it very well may have been the first time BOTH kids have stayed away.
Asking me to hang out with or without our kids, I like that and not feeling put out when I take you up on your invite. If I feel like you're feeling a tad put out, there's a good likelihood I may give it a try another time or two but after that....I'll assume you were just trying to be friendly but didn't really want us around (there may also be a good chance I'm a tad hyper sensitive about that).
I figure I'm much like any other parent in this regard, though.
The things I have heard that have and do annoy me, are when someone says
"Other than her not talking, she's just like any other kid." It comes across as if they're disregarding everything else she has worked so hard at. I know if she were speaking, she would still have other challenges that other "typically" developing 6year olds don't.
"I just don't think she understands the importance of speech." Now, this one REALLY ticked me off (I said nothing to the person who said it 'cause ya gotta pick your battles, and ultimately at the end of the day....it wasn't a battle worth fighting--yet). I am fairly sure she would LOVE to be able to tell me if she was hungry and hungry for what instead of tossin' my hands near whatever it is that she wants and jumping up and down smacking herself on the legs because I'm not getting it, OR when she is sick I imagine she'd love to be able to what she needs and what I can do to help her feel better. I am certain she understands the importance of speech/communication. We work everyday to try and help her find her inner voice. She is able to communicate more with us now than she was 3years ago. There is still no speech, but thinking outside of the box and being an amazing critical thinker are a couple of her strengths.
"She should be potty-trained" [while giving me that look that -clearly- says it's because I'm not trying nearly hard enough and ultimately makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent. I already feel that way enough with my 6yr old not being potty trained]. No parent wants their child to be an adult in diapers. It wasn't until last summer before she didn't flip out every time she walked past a bathroom door and scream and close the doors. Everyone in our household was having to use the bathroom in the dark until the end of last summer/early last fall because it bothered her so much.
"We are not a school so we don't do that kinda thing." this was after I went to see about getting her involved with VBS at a local church and spoke to them about some of her challenges. She had went to school with several of the kids and they knew her, and I wanted her to be in the class with her classmates instead of being in the nursery area. I knew the lady that would be the teacher and the lady in the nursery so I just went around the first lady and talked to the other ladies. The nursery lady who, if my little one needed a changing was more than okay with helping out. The teacher lady had seen my girl since around when she was first born, and was okay with her being in her class as well. I still firmly believe I should have never been told that by the first lady, because that is one way to get families to shy away from church in general.
Tommy heard this one I didn't.
"Your child wouldn't have Autism if you just prayed it out of her." I have actually heard others tell me "She wouldn't have it if you had prayed more and had more faith." Which I think is ridiculously stupid (and also not very Christ-like either).
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I'd love for some to offer to come and hang out with the kids so I feel like Tommy and I can have some time to ourselves, but there's the whole problem with the fact we are INCREDIBLY picky about who we will allow to watch our kids. I mean, it's like only two people we're comfortable with and they have lives/families/kids of their own. When someone offers and are genuine about it (and not just saying it because they think it's the polite thing to say) it is very much appreciated, even if we don't ever take you up on it. This past school year both kids stayed the night away from us one time and it very well may have been the first time BOTH kids have stayed away.
Asking me to hang out with or without our kids, I like that and not feeling put out when I take you up on your invite. If I feel like you're feeling a tad put out, there's a good likelihood I may give it a try another time or two but after that....I'll assume you were just trying to be friendly but didn't really want us around (there may also be a good chance I'm a tad hyper sensitive about that).
I figure I'm much like any other parent in this regard, though.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Will it Bring you Together or Tear you Apart?
What would you do if realized you needed help with your child? If you realized they were going to need significant care for the majority of their lives? How would that impact your relationships, friendships, marriage? I've read (several) articles sighting that the divorce rate of parents with autistic children is up to 80%, although I did come across one earlier today that said it was more 24% as their children are in their teen to adult years (parents with typically developing children were 14%)...so there was a bigger likelihood for parents with autistic children to divorce as their children are getting older as opposed to other parents where the likelihood decreases. I have no idea how accurate these studies/findings are, but there's been many sighting the divorce rate is significantly increased.
Tommy and I do get along fairly well. I think we do a better job now, than we did a few years ago. Around year 3 of our marriage we were [probably] ThisClose to getting divorced. That was before Faith was even born. The things that most likely saved us, was I had been divorced before and it sucked. It sucked a lot. I didn't want to go through that again (for better or worse). We weren't ready to totally give up on it all. Even if that meant we lived in the same house and didn't speak to each other. It probably wouldn't be much of a stretch to say I didn't say a word to him for a good 2months (possibly longer), but was not ready to give up on this. Obviously, he wasn't either. We finally did have some meaningful, difficult conversations that began our road to getting back to where we were, where we needed to be.
During the time of discussion that Faith might have autism because she was 3 and didn't talk (at all) and she screamed and cried 12+ hours a day and nothing we did ever seemed to help it, we came together more. We had to. We had to learn how to better communicate what we needed from each other to make this all work. Giving each other the support and encouragement we both needed, our kids need to see that from us. We're not mind readers, so we had to figure out how to let each other know just what we needed. I know during this time, for me at least, it brought me closer to him. He was on "my side" to be my partner, encourager, supporter, and friend. I found more of a "one ness" in the marriage than what I had ever experienced before. He never once made me feel "crazy". He took all of my concerns seriously and listened without making me feel silly, stupid or less than. He can sometimes make people feel stupid (intentionally and unintentionally).
Like he's said (and I've heard so many others say), it can bring you closer together or it can tear you apart. We chose to come closer together and as long as we continue to communicate our wants and needs, support and encourage each other we'll continue to grow.
Tommy and I do get along fairly well. I think we do a better job now, than we did a few years ago. Around year 3 of our marriage we were [probably] ThisClose to getting divorced. That was before Faith was even born. The things that most likely saved us, was I had been divorced before and it sucked. It sucked a lot. I didn't want to go through that again (for better or worse). We weren't ready to totally give up on it all. Even if that meant we lived in the same house and didn't speak to each other. It probably wouldn't be much of a stretch to say I didn't say a word to him for a good 2months (possibly longer), but was not ready to give up on this. Obviously, he wasn't either. We finally did have some meaningful, difficult conversations that began our road to getting back to where we were, where we needed to be.
During the time of discussion that Faith might have autism because she was 3 and didn't talk (at all) and she screamed and cried 12+ hours a day and nothing we did ever seemed to help it, we came together more. We had to. We had to learn how to better communicate what we needed from each other to make this all work. Giving each other the support and encouragement we both needed, our kids need to see that from us. We're not mind readers, so we had to figure out how to let each other know just what we needed. I know during this time, for me at least, it brought me closer to him. He was on "my side" to be my partner, encourager, supporter, and friend. I found more of a "one ness" in the marriage than what I had ever experienced before. He never once made me feel "crazy". He took all of my concerns seriously and listened without making me feel silly, stupid or less than. He can sometimes make people feel stupid (intentionally and unintentionally).
Like he's said (and I've heard so many others say), it can bring you closer together or it can tear you apart. We chose to come closer together and as long as we continue to communicate our wants and needs, support and encourage each other we'll continue to grow.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Where My Heart Is
Encouraging marriage, lifting up our spouses, and learning more of how to become "one". This is on my heart a lot lately. I know I've got a couple of friends on Facebook that do such a fantastic job of showing encouragement to others. I appreciate that such a great deal. I also get that it's a "cyber world" and we can choose to let others see the sides of them we want to let them into.
I was married, very briefly, before Tommy. My first husband and I did a fantastic job of forgetting to act like we actually wanted to be married to each other and screwed up in some pretty massive ways (okay, I did. I can own my part and since I am not him I can not speak for him). While I'm not totally against divorce (there are some incredibly good, valid reasons to get the heck away from each other). It is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Strange and silly as it may sound, no one ever talked with me about all of the guilt that would surround you for years to come once you went through a divorce. I think that should be stuck in the pre-marital counseling somewhere, just so people are aware. Life did get better for me (probably for him too, as I said we did a fantastic job of forgetting to act like we actually wanted to be married). He's a good person, I try to be a good person. I've no doubt he's a fantastic father to his children and I also try to be a good momma to my children. Some days I'm more successful than other days. No matter what, though, my children know I love them and I'm proud of who they are and who they are becoming (even on my cranky days). I always want to remember the first marriage, not because I want to live in the past but because I NEED to always remember not to take my spouse for granted and to let him know how thankful I am that we are where we are. We learn so much from our past experiences. It's good to take that with us, remembering to repeat the positives and not repeat the negatives. I want us (Tommy and I) to do a fantastic job of remembering that we wanted to spend our days with each other and treat each other as such.
I try to be honest and real...in life and in the digital world, and fall short in both regards more often than I want.
Sometimes I don't post things because I don't know how many know not to take me too seriously often. Or that even though I don't tend to curse, I'm not generally offended by it. I mean, Tommy swallowed a toilet, according to our friend Callie (granted, she said this back in high school about him)....and my sister uses the "F-bomb" for any and everything. It's one of her "things", I guess. I don't like to put out there my insecurities of getting to be the mother to these two amazing children. I also scale it WAY back on what we actually go through with our littlest one. I don't know where this paragraph was going. Maybe I should stick it in another blog post when it comes to me. For now, I'll just leave it here. It is my blog and it can be as random as I am, right? ;)
I was married, very briefly, before Tommy. My first husband and I did a fantastic job of forgetting to act like we actually wanted to be married to each other and screwed up in some pretty massive ways (okay, I did. I can own my part and since I am not him I can not speak for him). While I'm not totally against divorce (there are some incredibly good, valid reasons to get the heck away from each other). It is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Strange and silly as it may sound, no one ever talked with me about all of the guilt that would surround you for years to come once you went through a divorce. I think that should be stuck in the pre-marital counseling somewhere, just so people are aware. Life did get better for me (probably for him too, as I said we did a fantastic job of forgetting to act like we actually wanted to be married). He's a good person, I try to be a good person. I've no doubt he's a fantastic father to his children and I also try to be a good momma to my children. Some days I'm more successful than other days. No matter what, though, my children know I love them and I'm proud of who they are and who they are becoming (even on my cranky days). I always want to remember the first marriage, not because I want to live in the past but because I NEED to always remember not to take my spouse for granted and to let him know how thankful I am that we are where we are. We learn so much from our past experiences. It's good to take that with us, remembering to repeat the positives and not repeat the negatives. I want us (Tommy and I) to do a fantastic job of remembering that we wanted to spend our days with each other and treat each other as such.
I try to be honest and real...in life and in the digital world, and fall short in both regards more often than I want.
Sometimes I don't post things because I don't know how many know not to take me too seriously often. Or that even though I don't tend to curse, I'm not generally offended by it. I mean, Tommy swallowed a toilet, according to our friend Callie (granted, she said this back in high school about him)....and my sister uses the "F-bomb" for any and everything. It's one of her "things", I guess. I don't like to put out there my insecurities of getting to be the mother to these two amazing children. I also scale it WAY back on what we actually go through with our littlest one. I don't know where this paragraph was going. Maybe I should stick it in another blog post when it comes to me. For now, I'll just leave it here. It is my blog and it can be as random as I am, right? ;)
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